These Streets

I thought I found someone I was looking for.
I guess the fact that I was wrong really killed it.

I hate being wrong. You have no idea.

I'm continuing my search for a really good friend. I've got a few, but I feel like I'm missing something. I guess it's the fact that I feel like all I am is... some kind of person you COULD vent to, that you COULD look up to... but I'm only mildly entertaining. I don't know anyone who actually enjoys my one-on-one company. Yeah, I'm boring... to put it bluntly, it sucks.

I've noticed a slight change lately. I do get extremely livid sometimes... I swear, it was a little eerie yesterday when I suddenly remembered something: I was in the car, having an imaginary argument (in my head) between this person I've been angry with and myself. I wanted to slap him so badly (I have done it before, and at this point, I only have one regret about it), but I realized he would probably be let off, despite how very frustrated I was and am. I'm worried about this, and I guess that's one of the reasons I want to go back to martial arts.

I'm going back to basics. I'm building myself up again. In one word, as I said in the survey (on myspace), I would describe myself as a passionate person- there is so much I could say about that. I settle for no less than the best, I push 110%, I'm one of the most persistent person when it comes down to it, I don't care if I get hurt anymore if it helps me get to where I need to be, I want the best for you all (even though at this point, I should only be living for myself), I'll let myself feel the pain if it helps you... Gosh. But I love it.

...I can't afford to doubt myself.

You argue with the people you care about the most when things are falling apart because those are the relationships you're willing to fight for. Shouldn't it be that way? I could easily walk away now. My freshman year crash prepared me. But I know what I want.

Band performances (weekly) are coming to an end. I am sad, but I'm also happy to get a slightly less busy schedule. I have to start working out again. I'm looking for a new studio to practice something other than TKD/Karate. If anything, I'll at least go back to TKD for the black belt I seriously deserve. It shouldn't take more than 2 months to remember all those forms and such. Then back to Track... If I don't make Track (because of how strict it is now), I'm going to try out for the Spring Musical? Seriously. (:

I have to make UC Berkeley. I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm rejected...

Time to study for the SATs.

1. I want a new phone. My dad says I'll get one in January?
2. I want highlights... red? purple again? My hair needs to grow, too.
3. Christmas time is coming up. I've got some plans for presents... kinda.