i'm changing

I am a selfish person that expects and wants too much.

So I don't care if this is public because not everyone reads it anyway.

If you read this whole thing, let me know, please. E-mail me. Write to me. Call me. Whatever.

To get it all out there, I want my friends to stop putting pressure on me. To know that people are disappointed in how upset I'm getting does not help. I understand that you're sad to see me sad or whatever, but you're seriously starting to make me feel guilty and making me feel like I have to be perfect. I'm not perfect. No one is. And I can't be a perfect inspiration figure I want to be. So let me have my breakdowns and let's all move on. All I want out of a breakdown is a hug, a smile... and maybe chocolate. (:

I want band people, certain ones in particular, not to keep pushing my buttons when I'm trying to fix things. I'm trying to help. And I know we all get tired, but if you're really that tired, go sit down. I need cooperation, and I'm obviously not going to be super nice if you don't meet me half way.

I want people to know that my normal self is still in there somewhere, but I'm trying to get her out. I'm going through a rough time, it's not just boy troubles. There is other crap I'm trying to deal with. Don't assume I've completely changed. So give me the chance to get through it. Be there. Please be understanding. I know I'm annoying, just deal with it with me for now. I'm trying to come back as soon as I can.

I want David to know I'm still me- I'm just becoming a better version of me.

Elyse will come back. The happy, optimistic, passionate, NORMAL Elyse will come back. Just give it some time. Give me space to breathe. Don't tick me off too much because chances are, I hate being like this more than you hate dealing with me.

Thank you. :]