some thoughts after HC

It's extremely difficult trying to be the bigger person.
It's also extremely difficult not knowing what someone thinks... when you want to know.

I want to know everything, especially the things that would cheer me up.

Honestly, if it wasn't for that peer counseling thing, I probably wouldn't be where I am right now (I make myself sound corny and old... I'm only one of the two). I never thought I'd need it. I guess sometimes, you really do need to let yourself get some help, no matter who you are. For some, I think all the answers are inside of you, but you just need someone to help you along the way... because when you're all depressed, how can you possibly think rationally the whole way through?

My needs can't exceed yours because I love you. As stupid as this may sound, the pain has always been okay with me to deal with because I know it was always for you. It hurt to do the long-distance thing, which I would still be willing to do. And it hurt to say goodbye and let you go.

I can't express how much I miss you, at this point. Over the last few weeks, even though I've been reminiscing, I've overlooked a few things because of the sadness of knowing you're gone, not just literally. I miss late-night talks on the phone that were serious at some points and fun at other times.

I wish you still wanted to talk to me and be with me and see me... to the point where you would put in effort that I could see.

But for now, I should cheer up that we were ourselves with each other when we were together for a day. And maybe I'll be "the girl you so dearly love" again some day soon.