Reverie, English3AP, getting back

I never know what to name my blogs anymore.

All I can listen to lately is classical music, for the most part. I prefer not to hear anything with lyrics, and I'm not quite sure why. It's really weird being in the state I'm in, whatever that may be. I don't really know where I am, but I'm concentrating on everything, all the same. I might actually go the rational route rather than stay where I've been for the last few years... at least with my decisions and paranoia and all that. This slight (or rather huge) change does not mean I'm going to start taking SAT prep or quitting band or doing anything that will ensure a better chance to get into Berkeley. It's aimed at other things.

I don't know why I don't mind pouring my heart out. It's so difficult for other people, and yet, I can sit here typing about all of this.

I guess I don't mind to appear vulnerable- because I know that I'm not and so do the important people in my life. I figure that's why it's so easy for me to vent... to almost anyone. I had another theory- that maybe I want the attention. But no. I'm certain that isn't it. I really don't mind if saying what is on my mind and what worries me seems like a downfall to other people. I'm not the one suppressing anything and waiting until it blows up in my face, whether in the near or distant future.

It's nice to laugh again. But I'm still under the pressure of doing what I can to become a DM next year, get a good SAT score, and getting my 3.8-4.0 GPA. APUSH is so demanding- at least Ms. Han is. It's really starting to scare me. I'm still waiting to get voice lessons. I haven't chosen a jazz piece to sing for January's concert yet.

Dr. Clements told us that he wanted to take us to this place near Palm Springs where we could perform for these children... Once he told us that they were badly abused before they needed to be taken away from their parents and taken there, I automatically, 100%, completely wanted to go, no doubt about it. Obviously, I would have gone, no matter what, happily. But this would REALLY mean something.

I'm trying to figure out what to do. I hope I can manage everything perfectly.